At the crazy speed of always needing more…
That’s a line in the song, “From Now On” in one of our favorite movies, The Greatest Showman. (loved by both our kids and me, BTW)
Here is the rest of the verse:
“I drank champagne with kings and queens
The politicians praised my name
But those are someone else’s dreams
The pitfalls of the man I became
For years and years
I chased their cheers
The crazy speed of always needing more
But when I stop
And see you here
I remember who all this was for”
I was listening to this the other day and it really spoke to me. With our many moves, an adoption, a deployment, and the general craziness of life here in the Marshall house it does seem like things are moving at a crazy speed. I have so much of everything I every could have hoped for with healthy children, a roof over my head, and the ability to do good things for people through this little shop…yet I still find myself unsatisfied, “always wanting more”. I know many of you feel the same way with things moving at such a pace that sometimes we lose focus on what is really important for us as individuals or as a family.
This is not a new feeling for me. For example, in our last assignment we had the great honor of representing the United States in Thailand and literally spent time drinking champagne with royalty(not the king or queen). We were treated nicely by politicians and others who saw us as the representatives of the USA. We did make wonderful friends and treasure that time forever, but still found ourselves feeling a bit empty. I think it because, as the song says, “those were someone else’s dreams”. Maybe my dreams of a penthouse apartment were not really what I needed.
As I moved back to the “real world” I struggled a bit remembering what it was that meant the most to me. I think that happens to all of us. You don’t have to live in a penthouse apartment or attend receptions with royalty to realize you’re chasing something “at the crazy speed of always needing more”. You may be chasing something in your business, at work, or a relationship that will never be fulfilling. We can do better though! I think it helps to define WHAT it is you are chasing and WHY you are chasing that particular goal. For me it’s my family, and especially my kids. When I actually slow down and see them there (between yelling at them) I do remember what all this is for. I remember that we went to Bangkok for them because we knew it would be good for our family. We moved to Colorado for the same reason. I remember that I committed to caring for this family even when Steve’s not here. I remember that while sometimes life isn’t glamorous, I am (we are) doing this for a reason. I remember that I started my small business as a way to help others, and that there is no such thing as overnight success – so as this little dream grows I will be happy that I have my family by my side and a way to give back.
The song continues:
“And from now on
These eyes will not be blinded by the lights
From now on
What’s waited till tomorrow starts tonight
It starts tonight
And let this promise in me start
Like an anthem in my heart
From now on”
So here I am, rededicating to focusing on “what all this is for.” It’s for our family…from now on.
-Kathleen